1. You worry so much about what to say that it comes out wrong and you end up staring down her dress until she asks you to leave (or possibly has the bouncers ask you less nicely)
or
2. Whilst you think up your line she either leaves of her own accord or another guy who came to the bar with a line fully prepared whisks her away (incidentally how do you really "whisk" someone away? Believe me when I say the literal interpretation does NOT have the desired effect)
Anyway, I had something to post about and I feel I should come back to the point rather than deviate again as you never know where you might end up but you know there is a danger that it might be a park bench as happened on Saturday.
It's the trains. Now I'm not going to whinge about the service because to be honest I've travelled around the world and it's just nice to be in a country where the driver isn't a recent escapee from a mental institution and the local interpretation of "slow the FUCK down" is "drive much faster and increase maniacal laughter by 10 decibels".
It's the fact that when you look at people's actions on the train, it's like seeing back through the ages, as 10,000 years of evolution gets stripped away and people start acting like retarded animals.
"Door is open, must shuffle forwards and take place in big metal box"
yeah but not without letting the morons ON the train get off first you FUCKWIT. Honestly the fact that firearms are illegal in this country is something i've come to see as a blessing since without it I most likely would be getting better acquainted with Bubba rather than writing this scintillating blog.
Can you imagine how satisfying it would be to stuck behind someone standing on the WALKING side of the escalator (Pet Hate No. 34) and just blow them away?
No?
Must be just me then, and my psychiatrist says that's a good thing.
What I LOVE about trains is how people will get on of a morning, it's crowded, they want to get off quickly at their stop, so they REFUSE to move inside the carriages, even if it means other people can't get on! It would be hilarious if it wasn't so sad.
Here we can see a very special form of blindness. The people near the doors can see that people still want to get on and that space is receding rapidly. At the same time they can see that just 2 metres away there is a ton of standing room, but they WON'T MOVE. I can see them blinking in the dawn light, their sightless eyes taking in the empty carriage, and it's like watching a rather well-dressed cow being shown an open gate in a field - they're away that they could move but they can't see the point.
Another Pet Hate is people who think they're more important than anyone else on a crowded train and that they MUST be the first people off the train no matter where they've been standing/sitting the whole journey. You'll be packed in like Ethiopians in a shallow grave, so close that if you move slightly to one side you're likely to be guilty of some form of sexual assault, and some prick decides that he needs to get past you as the train is about to enter the station. This has two interesting elements of the social fuckwit:
1. They seem oblivious to the crashed masses in front of them, although we are evidently there as you can hear us muttering about how shit the trains are, and occasionally apologising for groping someone when you flexed your hand.
2. They assume that even if a major station is coming up, they are the only one who needs to get off, and rather than get stuck on the train for one moment longer than necessary, they are going to push to the front. It's either this or they must simply be in more of a rush than the HUNDREDS of other people on the train, because of course our jobs don't matter as much...
I enjoy blocking these fucktards. It puts a smile on my face and as unfair and socially abhorent that may be, I don't care, I NEED these little things to get me through the day.
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